Okay folks, I’m going to have to be honest. Josh Hartnett Week nearly killed me. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration. But literally, I could not complete my watch and writeup of Hollywood Homicide, the Harrison Ford/Josh Hartnett buddy cop flick revolving around the murder of a rap crew and the fact that neither cop can be distracted from their side hustles long enough to do any policing. Obviously, this sounds like the perfect movie for me, but it was a lot. I just kept getting confused watching it which normally doesn’t happen. So, after a couple attempts, I decided to step back and I worked on some other writing for a little bit instead of the newsletter. That’s the problem with working on like eight things at once. I apologize if you missed me!
Well, I couldn’t stay away too long, because I’m going to conclude this Josh Hartnett series with just one other film. Hollywood Homicide is still on my list, but I’m going to save it for a week where I don’t have so much going on in my life and I can dedicate the energy and focus that it truly deserves. So, what piece of Hartnett-starring trash am I digging into today? One of his final box office bombs before he seemingly left the limelight, Wicker Park, a 2004 remake of the French film L’Appartement (1996). As we often see, American remakes of French films tend to suck. We will be getting into a Vince Vaughn movie that fits this bill in the coming weeks. This particular remake seems stuck between stations. It doesn’t know whether it’s a psychological thriller, a romantic drama or an arthouse neo-noir. Honestly, I don’t think it’s any of those three, but that’s neither here nor there. This flick stars Mr. Hartnett as Matt, a man still broken up over being left by his true love Lisa (Diane Kruger) a couple years back. He is set to take a work trip to China when he believes he spots Lisa in public and following her leads him to meet a stranger who will impact his life. But I’m getting ahead of myself. This one was directed by Paul McGuigan, who brought us The Reckoning and Lucky Number Slevin, neither of which I have seen so I have no idea if he’s good or not. It is currently sitting pretty at a 27% on Rotten Tomatoes, so you know it’s right in my safe zone. So, with all that out of the way, let’s get into this one.
Once again, we have Josh Hartnett playing a character named Matt, so if 40 Days and 40 Nights taught us anything, it’s that he loves playing characters named Matt. This Matt is also pining for his ex, just as Matt in 40 Days… had been, so I guess he had been type-casted by this point. He walks around Chicago looking moody, but also, I think that’s just Resting Josh Hartnett Face so who knows. He passes a jewelry store and looks at different engagement rings. Matt is at his office where his job involves “corporate stuff” and he is on his way to China for a four-day work trip. His boss is his girlfriend’s brother and warns Matt against soliciting sex workers, as Rebecca (Jessica Paré), Matt’s girlfriend, will blame her brother for sending Matt on the trip if he does. Okay. Out in the street, Matt runs into old pal Luke (the legendary Matthew Lillard) and Matt informs Luke that he moved back from Chicago with his girlfriend who he met in New York. They both have to depart, but Luke gives Matt his business card for his old clothing shop and tells him to call him. Matt and Luke, huh? Where’s Mark and John?! Get it? Gospel joke! Sorry.
At a restaurant, Rebecca arrives and sits with Matt and her brother at a meeting. Rebecca gives Matt a bottle of pills as a sleep aid for the plane. When one of the company leaders toasts to a “marriage between our companies,” Matt chokes up and leaves the table for a moment. I guess Matt feels a little too pressurized to jump into marriage with Rebecca, hence the hesitation at the jeweler. The hallway of this restaurant is very cool. Matt wants to use the payphone but it is occupied so he goes in the bathroom and looks in the mirror. He looks like shit noticeably, like a complete wreck. He overhears a woman on the payphone telling someone to stop following her or she’ll call the police and he has a flashback to Lisa (Diane Kruger), his previous girlfriend. He swears that’s her running away from the restaurant even though he can only see her blonde hair from behind. She trips on a broken high heel that appears to be Louboutin. Matt nearly has a panic attack seeing her run away and goes to inspect the phone booth. He has a flashback to where he first saw Lisa, on video at a camera store he worked for. His outfit in this scene is very 2009, deep neckline and condom beanie, so I guess Matt’s ahead of his time here. He follows Lisa to a dance class and seemingly stalks her? I don’t know. He snaps back to the present and finds a hotel key card with a room number left behind by the woman he swears is Lisa. Rebecca finds him in the phone booth and they leave.
Rebecca brings Matt to the airport for his trip and they say goodbye. After Rebecca leaves, Matt makes a call and lies, saying he has food poisoning and will arrive in China in the next couple of days. He’s actually fine but he leaves the airport and heads to the Drake Hotel to try out the key card on Lisa’s room. The room is very nice, but Lisa is not there when he enters. There are no signs of Lisa except for a silver makeup compact on the sink that belonged to her. Matt has an emotional reaction to it as the sleeping meds Rebecca gave him finally kick in, and he passes out in the hotel bed. In a dream or flashback or something, Matt is at Luke’s shop telling Luke how he is in love with Lisa even though he doesn’t know her name and just stalked her to learn everything about her. Luke does the Matthew Lillard thing and tells him to go for other women, but then Lisa approaches the shop. She enters and Matt goes up to her pretending to be a salesperson to try and meet her. Lisa’s coat is amazing. Matt is horrible at flirting. He tries to reference Fellini. Lisa thinks he’s annoying. Matt puts the shoe on Lisa and I don’t know if this is supposed to be a Cinderella reference or what. It doesn’t fit and Matt offers to have the store order her size. Lisa calls Matt out for following her all day. He tries asking her out but she rebuffs him and leaves her number for when the shoes arrive But wait! It’s not her number! It’s a time and a restaurant location for Matt to meet Lisa at, with the added note “now you won’t have to follow me” so maybe the stalking works?
There is literally no chemistry on their dinner date. Matt just smiles goofily. They walk in the snow and talk about their families and life goals. Matt mentions how fish at the aquarium as a kid inspired him to want to be a photographer. Lisa tells Matt to take her picture. She kisses him goodnight at the end of the date and he looks like he’s going to be sick. He drives off but reverses back and runs after Lisa. She pulls him inside and they have a passionate sex scene to a White Stripes song. This movie has a good soundtrack by the way. Broken Social Scene is on it.
Matt wakes up from this flashback dream to housekeeping knocking on the room door with dry cleaning. It’s morning and Matt rushes to leave, but before he does, he finds a ripped-up newspaper article and takes it as well as Lisa’s compact. He goes to see Luke, who is surprised Matt is not in China. Luke thinks Matt should not distract himself with this supposed sighting of Lisa when he has a good life lined up for himself, as anytime things go well, temptation rears its head. Matt is screwed up from not knowing why Lisa left him, as she never told him. Matt thinks the newspaper article about a hitman or something will help him locate Lisa. Matt borrows Luke’s car to go find Lisa and Luke demands his car back for 6 o’clock, as he has a date with an actress he met at his shop, Alex.
Matt leaves Lisa a note with the bartender at the restaurant from yesterday, stating he found her compact and to have her call him, but leaves Luke’s shop’s number. This shit is so convoluted and we’re only like a quarter way through it. He drives to a cemetery in the snow and tails a car, eventually following the man driving it on foot. No idea who this is supposed to be, but the guy knocks on a door and calls out for Lisa so however Matt deduced this guy was the one stalking Lisa, I’m impressed. The guy leaves and Matt pulls an envelope the man left under the door which contains a key and a note requesting one last visit upon returning her keys. Matt chucks the note and has a flashback of Lisa and his romance. He leaves another note and goes to return Luke’s car. Luke is pissed because Matt is late and Luke missed his date. Alex calls and Luke blames Matt. Matt takes the phone and admits the blame and tells Alex all about his journey looking for Lisa. Luke goes to see Alex in her play. Matt makes a fake call to Rebecca pretending to be in China but forgets about the time difference because Matt is a bozo.
Matt leaves a note and rose under Lisa’s door and asks her to meet at their usual spot at 3 PM. Matt paces in what looks like post-effect snow in front of Frank’s Chili Dogs, but Lisa never shows. He goes to Lisa’s apartment and enters. He sees the red-bottom heels on the floor but hears someone come home. Is this Lisa? Matt does the total non-stalker thing and tails her quietly from inside her own apartment. So romantic! He approaches her, but she turns around and guess what! It’s not Lisa! This woman (Rose Byrne) attacks Matt and threatens to call the police. He says he’s a friend of Lisa’s and she informs him that her name is Lisa and she lives here, and she’s about to call the police. He confronts her about following her in the restaurant and the hotel. He returns the compact to this other Lisa and goes to leave, apologizing. She tells him to stay so she can bandage him up as she is a nurse. They drink scotch and talk about their lives. Matt admits he must have hallucinated seeing her as his Lisa and this New Lisa tells Matt she had been staying at the hotel to avoid the stalker whom Matt followed over there earlier. Matt goes to leave, drunkenly thinking he can still get a flight to China at this hour. New Lisa asks Matt to stay as she’s scared of her stalker. She tells him to sleep on the couch, and the stalker watches from outside.
Matt wakes up startled as New Lisa watches him sleep. She removes her robe and kisses him. They have sex wile Matt has a flashback about talking to OG Lisa. He tells her he got a job offer in New York and asks her to move in with him so he has a reason to stay in Chicago. She asks for time to think it over and has to get to rehearsal, so she asks him to meet her in the park same time tomorrow. When the time comes, Matt waits and she doesn’t show. Familiar. When Matt goes to Lisa’s dance troupe to ask where she is, he is informed she was flown to Europe for a gig quickly and she did not leave a message for Matt saying goodbye. This is the moment that derailed him, as not only did he never get closure, she left him hopeful for an answer to moving in with him. His flashback gets sad as he pulls down all her pictures and cries. Honestly, this doesn’t seem to be the storybook romance they’d want us to believe it is.
Back in reality, Matt and New Lisa wake up in the morning and she goes to get him a coffee. Her kitchen is extremely stocked, but she does not have any coffee mugs so she brings them coffee in champagne flutes. I might start doing this. Very classy. I need a dish of sugar cubes and some fancy tongs first though. The two are awkwardly silent. New Lisa has to get to the hospital for work and she tells Matt to stay. He says maybe they’ll see each other later. I’m confused as to how many days this has been, because how hasn’t his boss been notified Matt never showed up in China? How hasn’t the boss told Rebecca? Isn’t he due home soon? Wasn’t this a four-day trip? This must be the psychological thriller aspect of the movie.
As New Lisa walks down the hall, she has a flashback too. Turns out, that WAS Lisa that Matt saw in the phone booth! He’s not crazy, just a weirdo stalker! Lisa was on the phone with New Lisa, asking if they could switch apartments for a few days. New Lisa was also in the restaurant at the time too I guess? She was watching tearfully as Lisa ran off. This is so weird. So, the two Lisas are friends, I guess. Matt sits around New Lisa’s apartment moody while New Lisa sits in her car and has another flashback. She reminisces about meeting Lisa through their neighboring windows and how OG Lisa would climb the windowsills into New Lisa’s place to avoid man trouble. New Lisa arrives at another apartment and, holy shit! OG Lisa’s there! This must be New Lisa’s apartment. OG Lisa says she got a job in London and asks if they can stay swapped another couple nights.
Matt is at the airport and is put on a standby flight list for 4 PM. This has DEFINITELY been longer than four days. He throws New Lisa’s key in the sewer because he’s a dickhead. OG Lisa and New Lisa are discussing OG’s escape to London. They switched apartments because the guy who Matt had followed was actually stalking OG Lisa. This is so confusing. I’m going to have to rent the French original and see if it’s less convoluted. Matt talks to Luke about meeting New Lisa but lies about them sleeping together. Luke can see through Matt’s lie and Matt redirects conversation to Luke’s date with Alex. Luke, recalling his date with Alex, reveals that she’s actually New Lisa! Jesus Christ. Of course she is. Luke mentions telling Alex all about Matt and Lisa, and upon hearing this story (which she kind of knew but now realizes Matt thinks she’s Lisa), she feigns illness and asks to be brought home. Luke tries to go upstairs but she rebuffs him and says she’ll call him. Luke is frustrated with Alex as she always has “a different story” with him. Upon Luke dropping her off, she went back outside and to Lisa’s apartment where she’d been staying and happened upon Matt and you know how the night went, it was like two paragraphs ago. Luke, however, does not tell Matt that he left and lies about an all-night sex romp with Alex. Luke tells Matt he should join him to see Alex’s play opening night before his flight. Uh oh!
Lisa and Alex (I’ll stop calling her New Lisa) are talking while Alex gets ready. Lisa mentions Matt and Alex has another flashback. Turns out SHE had been stalking MATT before he even met Lisa! Wow, this just keeps getting wilder and wilder. Alex even filmed the video of Lisa that Matt had worked on at his shop where he noticed her for the first time. Lisa, in the flashback, tells Alex she needs to commit to acting otherwise she’s just a phony. This seems to be her Joker origin story. On a walk, Alex laments that she was instantly smitten with a guy she saw but feels like he has a girlfriend and Lisa makes Alex promise to talk to him. This is mere moments before Matt notices Lisa and falls in love. Alex even watches from outside the video store as Matt has love in his eyes staring at Lisa on the screen and he even pushes her out of the way as he pursues stalking Lisa. Wow, crazy how everyone is just….around each other all the time. We see the other side of the Matt and Lisa romance flashbacks and see Alex watching with jealousy from her window.
In the present, Lisa goes back to the restaurant to try and find her compact and the bartender gives her the note that Matt left for her. She tries to call him, but he’s in the shower and misses the call. I’m not sure where he’s showering that she’d have the number for. I think I have to make a list of questions I have an try and call the director for answers. Matt goes to see Luke and thanks him for everything, saying he has to miss the play and get to China. I really feel like four days has passed, but who cares at this point. Luke admits he’s having trouble with Alex and he needs Matt’s assistance to make things go better. Matt’s apparently a good wingman. Matt promises to be there and yet again delays his flight. Lisa books her flight to London nearby and Matt walks over the grate where he threw Alex’s apartment key. He somehow fishes it out and joins Luke at Alex’s play. Alex is in makeup so Matt can’t tell who she is immediately. Alex does a wonderful job inspired by the drama surrounding her and gets a standing ovation. Matt leaves to catch his late flight flipping Alex’s key in his hand.
Backstage, Luke is trying to see Alex but she is on the floor in tears saying she doesn’t want Luke’s friend to see her like this, but Luke tells her that Matt left to catch his flight. Alex asks if Matt found the Lisa he was looking for, and Luke says no, he found someone with the same name and slept on her couch. Alex has another flashback to the day Lisa got her job in Europe. Lisa asks Alex’s help. She is leaving for Europe in two hours but can’t find Matt to talk to him. She doesn’t want to leave this news on his answering machine, so she gives Alex a letter to give Matt from Lisa, as well as Matt’s apartment key to leave the letter. Lisa admits she loves Matt and once she is back from Europe, she will move in with him. She leaves and Alex is obviously upset. She loves him too! Alex goes into Matt’s apartment and deletes all of the messages from Lisa asking if Matt got her letter and leaving her number in Paris where Matt can reach her. Damn, Alex. You drove this boy crazy! This is all by your design! Honestly, I think Alex has a lot more personality. I’d just go for her. Maybe it’s because I think Rose Byrne is gorgeous. Who knows? When Lisa calls Alex to find out what happened with the letter, Alex lies and says Matt was in bed with another woman when she went to give him the letter. Lisa is crushed and Alex tells her to forget him and focus on her show. Damn. Bad friend.
Alex snaps out of the flashback and apologizes to Luke through tears. Luke admits he loves her and she doesn’t respond. Back at Alex’s/Lisa’s apartment (I’m really not sure anymore), Matt rummages through things looking for…something. Alex and Luke finally sleep together at Luke’s place. In the morning, Matt calls Luke and Alex answers but freaks out when she hears Matt’s voice on the phone. She freaks out even more when she overhears that Matt went back to her apartment. She hurries out as Matt tells Luke over the phone that he couldn’t get on the airplane because it feels to him like this apartment is actually Lisa’s. Matt’s pretty in tune if he can deduce that. When they hang up, Lisa calls Luke’s number after having it from the note. Luke tells her Matt will be there shortly. Alex calls her apartment and Matt answers. Alex lies and says she had a surprise double shift and tells Matt to wait there for her. Luke tries to get Lisa’s number for Matt but she just tells Luke to have Matt meet her at 3 PM and he’ll know where. This is absolutely day fifteen at this point. We’ve seen like three handfuls of 3 PM meetings. Lisa has a flashback to her initial promise to meet Matt the next day when she left years ago.
Alex gets back to Luke’s place, lying that she went to get cigarettes. Luke tells her Lisa called and he’s going to tell Matt when he arrives. Alex says she has to go and runs off horrified. Her plot is going to come undone. She has another flashback to her initial meeting with Luke which was right before Luke and Matt ran into each other. Coincidence knows no bounds in this movie. At the restaurant, Alex sees Matt before she runs into Lisa and freaks out. She seems to know she’s caught. She uses the payphone to call the bar and ask for Lisa, who goes to the phone booth. Alex watches from a distance as we see the early scenes from the movie. She snaps out of her flashback and realizes she’s in too deep.
Back at her apartment, Matt is on edge. Alex is still going by Lisa to Matt, deep in her lies. Matt got her a present, a replacement pair of the red-bottom heels. He asks to help her try them on and they don’t fit. Matt asks what size shoe she wears and she looks like she could either vomit or murder him. He realizes something’s up when her shoe size doesn’t match what it said on the broken red-bottoms. He says it’s okay, he can exchange them, and he leaves. She calls Luke and asks him to meet her. Now stalker Matt is following Alex/New Lisa as she goes to a restaurant to meet Luke. Luke runs into Matt outside and brings Matt inside to meet Alex. The tension is SO thick. Matt just says “hi” demurely and Alex says “hello” like she’s frightened. Alex looks like she could cry and Matt keeps staring at Alex. Luke asks Matt what happened with his “psycho” and Matt says some faux-deep shit about “when you see someone up close, you wish you hadn’t” after they become a fantasy from a distance. He says he went back to this woman’s place long enough to confirm that she’s a liar. Matt says this woman has no conscience and is crazy and selfish. Matt asks Alex what she thinks and Alex says it’s easy to stand back and judge. The two then begin arguing and Alex gives a hypothetical to Matt, asking “what if this woman was in love with you the same way you were with Lisa and didn’t want to lose you again” and Matt is taken aback. Luke tells them to lighten up and mentions to Matt that Lisa called and she wants Matt to meet her at 3 PM. Luke leaves the table to try and find more info and Alex hands Matt the letter Lisa had left him years ago before she left for Europe. Alex refuses to apologize for what she did and Matt leaves in tears. Alex breaks up with Luke and leaves saying she’s not who he thinks she is. This is the bummer for me. Sure, she was duplicitous, but Alex was easily the best character in the film. I wanted her to find happiness.
Matt races to…Wicker Park…to meet Lisa. Love when they say the name of the movie. When he arrives, Lisa is not in front of Frank’s Chili Dogs. This is the saddest I’ve ever seen someone outside a chili dog stand. He goes to the airport as he knows from Alex about Lisa’s flight to London. He searches for her desperately, but as he’s about to see her, Rebecca approaches him to pick him up from the flight he was supposed to be on. Matt confesses to Rebecca that he never went to China and he can’t marry her because he’s in love with someone else. Meanwhile, Lisa calls Alex to tell her Matt’s been back in town and Alex confesses that she knows and has been doing bad things. Rebecca leaves Matt upset. Lisa hangs up on Alex also upset and Matt finally sees her sitting on the airport floor. He approaches her as “The Scientist” by Coldplay plays. Remember early Coldplay? They were really solid. I think I was the only person in my middle school that fucked with them. Anyway, Lisa and Matt kiss and embrace tearfully because this is a movie and everything works out for the beautiful leads, and that’s our movie. All of those twists just for these two jerks to reunite on an airport floor. Wow.
Okay so this was extremely confusing. I think I need to see L’Appartement to compare the two, mostly to see if McGuigan just decided to go balls-out confusing with his as a directional choice or if the source material is as confusing. I know this is loosely based on A Midsummer Night’s Dream, but Shakespeare wasn’t even real to begin with so who cares about that. Everyone knows he never existed and Frances Bacon wrote all of the plays under the name Shakespeare. Guy never existed so forget about him. I’m honestly disappointed with this one because to me, the real movie is determining the motivations and influences that lead Alex to act as she does. Instead, she’s just the harmful selfish crazy jealous woman trope that movies used to love to force-feed us. Why can’t we get her backstory? I’d rather see an Alex origin story any day than have to sit through The Matt and Lisa Show for another minute. Unfortunately, this is all we get. Alex doesn’t find love, Rebecca is crushed, the company probably lost their huge deal with China because Matt just unrealistically wandered around Chicago for the entirety of his trip, and coincidence upon coincidence upon coincidence happen to line up and give us this narrative. Also, what happened to the stalker? Did he just give up? No idea! If you want to be as confused as I am, this one’s currently streaming on Cinemax. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.