Picture it: a movie where two identical girls meet for the first time at summer camp, where they determine that one’s father is about to marry some kind of blonde femme fatale using him for his money, and they plot to stop the wedding so they can live together. Were you thinking about The Parent Trap (the far superior 1998 remake) starring Lindsay Lohan? Well, I don’t blame you. That’s the movie I’d think of, too. It’s a pretty perfect kids’ movie but I still watch it every so often because it still holds up to me as an adult. But there was another movie with this same plot, just with minor tweaks, released three years earlier starring not Lindsay but current fashion icons the Olsen Twins. It was their first blockbuster motion picture, directed by Andy Tennant, the acclaimed director of Sweet Home Alabama and Hitch. It also starred Kirstie Alley and Steve Guttenberg. What sleeper hit are we talking about? None other than It Takes Two (1995).
It Takes Two is absolutely not The Parent Trap (1998), but it is sort of an amalgam of The Parent Trap (1961) and the Mark Twain novel The Prince and the Pauper, not in terms of quality but just that’s kinda what this is. This movie features many scenes that would be done almost exactly the same in The Parent Trap (1998), but whether by coincidence or not, The Parent Trap (1998) did them better. It Takes Two may not be as good of a movie as The Parent Trap (1998), but it does not deserve its current 8% on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s for sure better than the first Parent Trap. It was also a 90’s VHS classic. There was a copy of this at so many houses, and if not, it got rented often. I was truly shocked at the score for this one, even with some of the dumber parts of this movie. But I feel like I’m getting ahead of myself. This one is still a trip, so let’s get into it.
The main difference in this movie is that these girls are not long-lost twin sisters, just strangers who look identical which doesn’t really get explained. Mary-Kate Olsen stars as orphan Amanda and Ashley Olsen stars as a billionaire’s daughter Alyssa. Kirstie Alley stars as Diane (which is funny to me as a Cheers fanatic), Amanda’s social worker who wants to adopt her but is not allowed to because she’s single and isn’t rich which is pretty shitty. Amanda is up for adoption by a shitty family called the Butkises who adopt whatever kid is available and there are nefarious rumors about what fate awaits those kids. Not as bad as it sounds but still really awful. Meanwhile, Steve Guttenberg (the Gute) stars as Roger Callaway, the cell phone airspace billionaire who owns the camp across from his old mansion and is Alyssa’s father. Roger is about to marry an evil woman with zero redeeming qualities to the viewer. I know, I know, it’s like a bootleg The Parent Trap. But it’s its own beast. Let’s get into details.
We start with a nice contrast as Alyssa is playing Chopin at a stuffy piano recital where she wins a trophy and Amanda is playing stick ball with her cartoonish New Yawk accent. Hey, she’s battin’ here! Amanda and her heavily accented friend discuss her upcoming interview with the Butkises, a Staten Island family who “collects kids” which may be the most horrifying sentence ever. Amanda’s adoption agent Diane is trying to help Amanda get adopted. How did Kirstie Alley agree to play a character named Diane? That’s my favorite part of the whole movie. Amanda heads to Staten Island for her interview before going off to summer camp. She wants Diane to adopt her but Diane can’t because her salary is low and she’s unmarried which is not so progressive. The Butkises are off-putting in more than a Staten Island way.
Next a private plane for Callaway Cellular touches down carrying only Alyssa, who’s butler Vincenzo does a bad job relaying that her dad Roger is too busy to get her and Alyssa thinks she’s getting a surprise party. She’s in for a surprise alright!
Amanda doesn’t want to go to camp. She is moody about the Butkises and how no one wants to adopt a girl her age, they want babies, and she’s upset the Butkises are the best she can supposedly do. Diane does her best to reassure her of a better family and convinces her to go to camp.
Alyssa arrives at “one of her houses” and her dad is Roger, played by Big Gute. In comes Clarice Kensington, Roger’s new rich socialite boo thang and sheesh she’s obnoxious. Leave some scenery for the rest of the cast to chew, Clarice! She’s kind of a bitch right off the bat, trying to make things about her and treating Vincenzo like he’s less of a human because he’s the butler. Can’t stand her ass already.
At camp, Amanda says “yo, ya blind?” and stuff like that and has the words “Amanda’s bunk” carved over her bunk, so I guess she technically does have a claimed home. Alyssa and Roger look out at the camp, which Roger owns as a project, and tries to tell Alyssa about his need to move on to Clarice since Alyssa’s mom died. Vincenzo has the air of a good maître d’ but I don’t know about butler.
At the same time, Amanda and her friends are looking at the Callaway’s house discussing urban legends about it and calling it Buckingham Palace. Alyssa is in hiding while Clarice comes in with her assistant talking shit about Alyssa’s mom and saying she’s gonna sell the place. This is how Alyssa finds out and she’s pissed and I would be too. C’mon Roger, we expect more from you. Alyssa finds out they’re to marry in a month. Like that’s way too soon. Clarice is suuuuuuuuuch a bitch. She acts like Alyssa is faking her shock and her “bad behavior” shouldn’t be rewarded then tells the staff to get back to work. What does Roger see in her? This is disgusting. If I was Alyssa, I’d burn the house down tbh.
Amanda and her friends are trying to sneak over to the mansion to see if there are really ghosts there. Alyssa “runs away” and she’s outside at the same time. Roger doesn’t seem too concerned. There is no way Clarice is that captivating. Vincenzo goes outside to get Alyssa and WHOA Amanda is there and Vincenzo grabs her thinking she’s Alyssa. Because they have on similar outfits! What a coincidence! Amanda’s friends see Clarice through a window and think she’s a ghost. Amanda as Alyssa is told where her dress is and to be ready for the party.
Diane meanwhile finds Alyssa on a rock being sad and assumes she’s Amanda and tells her to come play football and stop being moody. Alyssa is taken by the kindness of Diane but does not know how to play football. Meanwhile Amanda is fascinated by the mansion until she sees a painting of Alyssa on the wall and thinks its her and Twilight Zone music plays. Clarice comes out with a mask on and scares the shit out of Amanda who runs away. Amanda’s gang comes back from the mansion and sees Alyssa with the football and are confused because they assume Amanda is dead in the mansion. Alyssa attempts to make a touchdown but runs drastically far from the football field where her and Amanda bump into each other in the woods. Here we go baby! Here’s our movie!
It’s so Parent Trappy, but they’re not long-lost twins, they just happen to be doppelgängers. But still very The Prince and the Pauper. They realize that everyone mixed the two of them up and they introduce themselves. They commiserate about Clarice and Amanda tells Alyssa that she can help sabotage Clarice and Roger. Amanda elects they switch places so she can ruin the party and Alyssa go hang with the orphans so she can be a regular kid. They do a five second training on how to speak like each other and that’s it, the scam is on. Much more succinct than a month together in a cabin like Lohan and Lohan.
Amanda has trouble acting prim and proper and Alyssa freaks out at how good a sloppy joe is, which she’s never had before. Amanda is going extremely fake fancy at the party and eats escargot, which results in the classic line “all this money and these people eat slugs?” Clarice is just bitching the place up and Amanda insults her which is awesome. Clarice wants “Alyssa” to play piano to impress her other bitchy friends. Uh oh! Amanda thought she was going to be asked to play dodgeball. How’s THIS gonna go? Clarice threatens Amanda and somehow no other adults hear her. She just decides to say screw it and slam her hands on the piano. Roger asks Vincenzo if she’s seeking attention, like duh.
Meanwhile Alyssa is playing charades with the camp orphans, where despite her nervousness she excels. At the mansion, Roger speaks to Amanda about Clarice where he begs Amanda to give her a chance even though he just sprung a new mom on her out of nowhere. I like how Clarice has to go plan this huge extravagant wedding and its literally in a month. That can’t happen unless you’re rich as shit. Roger is kindhearted but like why were 90’s dads so taken by evil stepmothers? Like she must do some weird, perverted trick to make this tech billionaire abandon his scruples.
The orphans are suspicious of Amanda having changed upon exiting the mansion. They see her scared of a frog and are convinced she’s a pod person. Diane tries to reassure “Amanda” by joking about how Diane’ll never find love. Cut to a James Brown montage where the girls are both fish out of water bonding with their new parent figures and Clarice discovers gum in her hair and screams like she discovered a corpse. Alyssa and Diane are hitting it off wonderfully. The girls meet back up in the stable house and Amanda tells Alyssa they have a week without Clarice. They discuss how Roger and Diane are perfect for each other, mostly because they’re like the only adults those two know. They scheme to stay in their pretend roles and bring Roger and Diane together via horse riding. Roger states Clarice is a gourmet cook and a painter but I don’t believe that. I assume her only artistic skill is yelling at the help.
The girls reconvene after separating from the adults and whimsical music plays, including the orchestral tune that used to play during the Beef: It’s What’s For Dinner commercials from the late 90’s. Roger has a wipeout and Diane and he are off to a great start as she nurses his head bump. They go back to the mansion and Vincenzo brings them iced tea. The girls were right, they do have a natural spark. I’d probably take Diane over Clarice which I’m shocked to even admit. I like how they just forgot about the girls to go talk. Of course, Clarice calls in the middle of this bonding session to complain about the gum in her hair because she may be the worse human on earth. There is no way Roger would stay with this awful woman in real life. She’s got some major issues, but Roger reassuring Clarice nothing is wrong drives Diane away.
Amanda as Alyssa tries to convince Roger that Clarice sucks and asks about Diane. Diane back at camp discusses how she thought he was perfect but is sad he’s unavailable. Alyssa as Amanda tries to reassure Diane that she should go for it as she would be Roger’s type, which I don’t know how an orphan would know that but okay. Roger asks Vincenzo if it’s possible that he and Diane have real instant chemistry. Oh, Vincenzo is Roger’s best man? Maybe that’s why he’s engaged to Clarice, his only friend is a paid yes man so no one has been in his corner enough telling this king to want more for himself. Tragic.
Back at camp, the Butkises have been cleared to take Amanda and Diane is pissed about it because she wants better for Amanda, and also they’re not supposed to approve the adoptions so quickly, and allude once more to the Butkises collecting kids which is weird. Roger drives over to the camp and tries to make good with Diane and they set a lunch date in the camp mess hall. Meanwhile Clarice is on her way back in some amazing white Chanel shades. I mean, she may be awful but she has taste. She discusses sapping Roger’s money away for her wedding on the phone while the kids do the “We Will Rock You” drum part on the lunch tables. Roger and Diane have a heartfelt discussion about his inability to come back to camp after his wife died over the loud table beating. The kids are serving lunch and “Amanda” keeps running off so her dad doesn’t spot her even though since the girls both exist I guess she could play that off. Actual Amanda as Alyssa sneaks over to camp and seesRoger and Diane together as well. I get you’re both freaking out because you don’t wanna get caught but, like, the half-ass plan you hatched in a stable is working and you were both right about this chemistry so there’s reason to rejoice.
Alyssa as Amanda hides her head under a chef’s hat and before she’s exposed, she trips her friend who’s carrying food and a big sloppy bowl of mac and cheese lands on Roger’s head. Hilarious. Cover more billionaires in hot food tbh, they can handle it. Roger starts a food fight because it’s the 90’s.
The girls are relieved as their scheme is not exposed yet but really, how long can they keep this charade up? Roger and Diane just like leave the horror scene they started. Maybe Diane isn’t a great guardian. She’s not even making sure the kids are okay. Roger decides to just jump in the lake to clean off because he’s clearly feeling Diane and is trying to peacock for her. I respect a billionaire who just acts like a goofball instead of like exploiting the working class to impress the object of their affection. I bet exploiting the working class would impress Clarice. Roger pretends to drown to get Diane to jump in the water then sneaks out and says “a guy could drown waiting for you” to Diane who jokingly says she’s gonna kill him and they get flirty in the water. Vincenzo is watching them through a telescope with approval which is really weird, but we have a bigger problem: Clarice is here. Her dress is pretty cool but she’s insufferable, ordering Vincenzo to get her a Diet Coke with lime. Clarice looks through the same telescope and sees Roger and Diane. Uh oh!
Roger and Diane almost kiss but the girls get too excited and knock over a pile of canoes. Roger admits to Diane that he’s getting married in a week and Diane is obviously hurt. Roger clearly likes her more than Clarice, which is a bummer when Kirstie Alley is your best bet, but she is playing a character that seems like the complete opposite of Kirstie Alley in this movie (example: the real Kirstie is a pretty big piece of shit but Diane cares about kids and seems knowledgeable, so she’s a convincing actress here at least).
Clarice’s new haircut is on some new wave club babe type style and she’s trying to push the wedding date up to tomorrow because she probably realizes if Roger can be lured away by Kirstie Alley then he could probably be lured away by a bunch of other women since Clarice is just pure awful and she needs to legally bind him before he wizens up. The girls kick into hyperdrive and send Diane a fake letter from Roger and attempt to place a fake one for Roger but Clarice cuts in and tells Alyssa or Amanda I cant figure out which, and threatens that she’s off to a boarding school in Tibet after the wedding the next day. I like how in these situations its just like the father will be like “sure send my kid off to a boarding school in another country without me asking them about it”. They tried the same thing in The Parent Trap.
The Butkises are here to take Amanda away and they literally carry the child who is kicking and screaming into a van. Diane who has been walking around contemplating how to speak to Roger sees Amanda or Alyssa in the van and comes back and flips shit on the staff who’s just like, ::shrug:: “they had the paperwork” and Diane is off to chase her down.
There is an overhead traffic announcement that states that traffic is backed up because there’s a bunch of billionaires in traffic because socialite Clarice Kinsington “finally got her man” and like why is this in the traffic report? And how are they able to just move this big of a wedding up a day when it was already an unrealistic month out? Like I know they’re supposed to be a bunch of billionaires but like they had zero plans the next day? And like tuxes ready and shit? The venues just moved everything up to the next day? The caterers? The florists? This is too much.
Amandalyssa is at the Butkises’ house where she meets the other eight orphans they’ve adopted. Alyssa says her name is not Amanda so I guess its Alyssa. But that doesn’t matter, they are renaming her Little Betty Butkis. Awful. They put her to work in a scrap yard and she gets a sweet mechanic uniform. Amanda is on the phone informing Alyssa of the wedding and Alyssa gets cut off by one of her adopted brothers. This scene is also like directly out of The Parent Trap. It’s crazy how almost the same scenes can be done with a world of difference between them.
Amanda shows Vincenzo her scars, proving she’s not Alyssa and Vincenzo doesn’t seem as shocked as I would be to see “identical strangers” but they jump into action to spring Alyssa from the Butkis grasp. Vincenzo has the best butler accent ever. They go speak to Diane and fill her in on the whole scenario. I guess Roger is just like off getting ready for the wedding and has no idea his butler/best man or daughter are gone. This is the least organized wedding ever and for this amount of money it’s wild. Roger is getting married in ninety minutes so Diane must go to Staten Island and back before then.
At the Butkis compound, Alyssa is showing out and threatening that her father will buy this whole town and kick them out and for some reason Father Butkis asks if she’s supposedly Alyssa Callaway why she’s not at Roger’s wedding. Why does everyone know about this dude’s wedding? Vincenzo goes to talk to Roger who gives some baseball metaphor and looks like he’s full of regret because Clarice hates baseball.
Diane comes by to find Alyssa and one of the neighbors informs her that the Butkises adopt kids to force them to do manual labor. Diane uses the neighbor’s phone to “call Lou” as instructed by Vincenzo. Clarice is freaking out and the Butkises are mocking Alyssa. A helicopter arrives to save Alyssa and I really hope someone put in a call to CPS about the conditions these kids are living in. Diane is on the copter and takes Alyssa. Okay good, Diane is turning the Butkises over to social services and threatens seriously this time to kill Mr. Butkis.
Back at the church, Amanda is stalling as the flower girl and Clarice yells like a rageaholic from the alter but no one seems to care. How does no one notice her outward aggression? Diane and Alyssa have the pilot land the helicopter in Central Park. Clarice literally grabs her father’s hand and runs down the aisle to sped-up organ because this billionaire wedding ceremony is a fucking joke and clearly just an excuse for her to legally be married. I really don’t understand Clarice’s motivation. Meredith in The Parent Trap at least had financial motivation, it seems like Clarice is already rich and doesn’t need this as much but eh, what do I know?
Diane and Alyssa steal a horse and carriage to get to the church to give us a little NYC flair. Roger is apprehensive and scared to say I Do during his vows, giving Diane and Alyssa enough time to arrive. Roger also has really dreamy flashbacks of his like three hours spent with Diane so he must be a lonely dude. Regardless, Diane shows up with Alyssa in tow and Roger does not confirm his vows, telling Clarice he can’t marry her which, again, this rushed, moved-up wedding can be just shrugged off and cancelled because he’s a billionaire in love with a social worker. Clarice slaps him and he says he deserves it but he really doesn’t. She goes to hit Amanda but Vincenzo stops her and threatens her if she touches Amanda. How does no one see Clarice for the piece of shit she is? Alyssa steps on the train of Clarice’s wedding dress to humiliate her further as she leaves. Good riddance.
Well Roger does the double take seeing his daughter and her doppelgänger and Diane sticks around while the wedding guests just, like, file out and go home, I guess. I’d be pissed. Like imagine the gift you get for a billionaire wedding and they call it off and don’t even have the reception? I’d be going right to Tavern on the Green and sending Roger the bill.
Roger gets filled in that everything was the girls’ doing and they tell him to kiss Diane and call each other sisters so it’s pretty presumptuous that Roger and Diane will marry and now they can adopt Amanda so I guess billionaires can cut through legal paperwork since Amanda was technically adopted to a family who’s about to be under investigation by CPS. They buy the horse they stole and drive off in the limo and that’s our movie.
So yea, I know. It’s not The Parent Trap. But an 8%? I say this unironically that this is a 90’s classic and the critics are absolutely wrong about this. Sure it’s not as good of a movie, but it’s way better than an 8%. Seriously. The biggest issues I have are that there’s like nothing pleasant about Clarice the entire time so I don’t get why Roger liked her. I also wish we got more fleshed out time to see everyone together instead of it just ending when it did, especially since no one seemed shocked at all that these girls are identical but not related. I guess maybe you need to stop there because everything else they already set up was too complicated. But regardless, if you haven’t seen it, go watch it. If you grew up with this one on VHS, go rewatch it. It’s on HBO Max right now. You might even enjoy Kirstie Alley. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.