Fools Rush In (1997)

What if finding the love of your life meant changing the life that you loved?

**A NOTE: WOW I STARTED WRITING THIS REVIEW TWO WEEKS AGO AND GOT VERY BUSY!!!I WON’T LEAVE YOU HANGING THIS LONG WITHOUT A NEW ISSUE AGAIN. I PROMISE.**

A thing I’ve noticed on Hulu this week is that after any comedy movie starts playing, it goes to autoplay Fools Rush In (1997) which has been on my list to write about since the creation of this newsletter. I took this as a sign from the algorithm that I should finally get this issue in, especially as we near the milestone of issue number 100, which I forecast will be in your inboxes before November ends. That being said, this isn’t my usual introduction paragraph because I’m telling you what movie we’re watching today immediately. This 1997 culture clash romcom was directed by Andy Tennant, the director responsible for It Takes Two, which I’ve written about, as well as some other movies that are still on my list. This one stars Matthew Perry (yuck) and Salma Hayek (wonderful) and I know I have seen this one probably five times but I can’t really remember any scenes except one at a yacht club or something. Since I have nothing more to say, we might as well press play.

Our movie begins with NYC at Christmastime. Fools are rushing in and out of Grand Central Station. We meet Alex Whitman (Matthew Perry) as he boards an elevator, fresh in from Miami and on his way to a trip to Tokyo for his architecture firm. We then cut to the stunningly beautiful Isabel Fuentes (Salma Hayek) floating in a tube on a river in rural Mexico. She speaks to some young boys who have been following her about leaving the area. At Alex’s office Christmas party, he learns he’s going to Las Vegas instead of Tokyo for his next assignment, which he is not happy about. He is promised a cushy, high paying Midtown job if he completes the Vegas assignment so he agrees. There’s an awkward, mildly homophobic joke about Alex and a coworker in a closet which I doubt was even funny for the time.

Alex is off to Vegas. We also see Isabel driving past the Hoover Dam where she flips a coin from her moving car. Alex is on site near Caesar’s Palace to oversee his job. He goes to eat at a Mexican restaurant where Isabel makes a payphone call breaking up with someone back home, taking a necklace breaking as a sign. She tries to use the bathroom but there is a large line with Alex in front. She asks Alex if she can cut the line for the bathroom. He doesn’t want to get in trouble with the rest of the line but he lets her cut him and they have a friendly introduction. He then asks about her phone call that he was eavesdropping on and she discusses her cultural beliefs in religion and destiny. Alex disagrees with the theory of grand design, deeming them coming together here a mere coincidence. Isabel argues that she thinks fate brought them together for a reason, teasing him that the reason is so she wouldn’t have to wait in line before going into the bathroom.

Oh, look at that, the two spent the night together. Isabel wakes up before Alex and sneaks away, leaving him with no communication. Three months later, Alex and his coworker Jeff (Jon Tenney) have a big meeting with the alcoholic beverages commission which is important to their building opening. Jeff wants to hit on the woman Tracey (Beth Broderick) they have a meeting with. A woman named Catherine (Suzanne Snyder) comes looking for Alex but he hides as he doesn’t want to speak to her. (Note: this is the point I pressed pause because I got busy with work and did not resume for two whole weeks! Let’s get back into it.) When meeting with Tracey, Jeff is sent in for Scotch as Tracey gives Alex the do-me eyes. Alex is uncomfortable but Jeff tries to convince Alex to quid pro quo the situation to benefit the two of them. Isabel arrives at Alex’s door which Jeff answers. She thinks she has the wrong house but Jeff directs her inside and retrieves Alex from the meeting with Tracey. He is happy to see Isabel and mentions he had been trying to find her since she left him. She tells him she’s never done anything like that before and he says neither has he, but it was a spontaneous, magical thing that happened.

She asks for some saltine crackers as her stomach hasn’t been feeling great. She jokes about the lack of effort he’s put into his apartment and then reveals that she’s pregnant and that Alex is the father as he takes the longest drink from a glass of water I’ve ever seen. He’s in an obnoxious state of denial but Isabel looks tired. Alex is relieved when he thinks she’s having an abortion but she reveals she’s keeping the baby but doesn’t want anything from Alex, just to inform him that he’s the father as it’s the right thing to do. Tracey enters and asks the guys to go to dinner which causes Isabel to leave upset. Alex tells Jeff and Tracey he’ll catch up with them at the restaurant because he has to deal with a family emergency and speeds off after Isabel.

He finds her at the Hoover Dam and thinks she’s going to jump but she’s admiring it, mentioning her great-grandfather helped build it. She tells him of her tradition of making a wish every time she goes to the Dam. She tells Alex she thinks her father will kill her for being pregnant and unmarried. She tells Alex that only Alex and her roommate Lainie (Siobhan Fallon) know she’s pregnant. She asks Alex to come meet her family so that one day when they ask who the father of the baby is, she can tell them they met him that one time. He agrees and they head off to have dinner with her family, which she does every week. Alex confesses he only sees his parents at holidays, which are enough for him. She asks Alex to pretend they’d been dating a few months and not to admit they met in line for a bathroom. They take the drive to get to know each other. Isabel mentions how she sells souvenir pictures at Caesar’s Palace but she’s a photographer working on a project on the side. She fills Alex in on her large, extended family before they arrive.

At her family’s house, her brother Juan (Mark Adir-Rios) introduces himself to Alex. He has a cool shirt on. Upon entering the yard, Alex is greeted with a large gathering, which Isabel notes is a low turnout for their usual gatherings. The party silences upon their arrival. A cop named Chuy (Carlos Gomez) greets them and Isabel seems uncomfortable, mentioning he hadn’t came to her family’s house in a long time, even though they grew up together. There is clearly some kind of rocky romantic past between these two. Upon being introduced to Chuy, Alex jokes he’s Luke Skywalker and I cringed so hard my nervous system shut down. Chuy sternly asks Isabel if Alex is her boyfriend and shakes Alex’s hand in an intimidating manner. Alex is already shook. She then takes him to meet her parents, Tomas (Tomas Milian) and Amalia (Anne Betancourt), who react upset that she has brought yet another man home after previously bringing home a fiancé that clearly didn’t work out. Amalia takes Alex into the other room and apologizes to Alex for Tomas’s protective behavior. Alex compliments the photos in the house which he is surprised to learn are Isabel’s, as he has never seen her work but must pretend he has.

Alex enjoys his dinner and ends up holding a baby for a relative of Isabel which vomits on his shirt. Isabel is charmed watching him and Alex is amazed at how close the family is, seeing as how he comes from a distant, WASPy background. He worries her family will end up hating him, but she promises she won’t let them. They seem ready to part ways but end up making out. Clearly, they still feel for each other. On the car ride home, Alex tries to talk to her but she doesn’t want things to be more complicated, even refusing his contact information for the future. She leaves him but he blocks her car, trying to get her to talk. He tells her he never knew what he wanted out of life but he was happy, but now he knows he wants to be with her, deeming her the woman of his dreams that he didn’t know he was waiting for his whole life. He tells her they should get married and they head off to be wed by an Elvis impersonator in a 24-hour chapel. They go shopping and get a hotel room. We get a “sex scene” to the tune of “Ain’t That a Kick in the Head” because it’s Vegas, baby! They wake up and embrace and Isabel doesn’t seem as excited about the marriage as Alex but maybe it’s just tough to act excited about being touched by Matthew Perry.

Back at the worksite, Jeff grills Alex about his absence and who Isabel was. Alex goes off on a rant on how stupid dating is before a call from Isabel reveals that they’re married. Jeff is horrified because his pussyhound partner is out of the game. Oh, boo hoo. Jeff tries to tell Alex that marriage is a horror show because he’s a divorced man in a 90s movie. Alex reveals she’s pregnant and Jeff demands he take a paternity test. Suddenly, Tomas speeds onto the site in his truck and approaches Alex with a baseball bat, calling him a delinquent. Sounds like someone found out! He calls Alex a thief for taking his daughter and marrying her in a sham ceremony. Isabel discusses the situation with Lainie, who is over to Alex’s for dinner. Jeff’s there too. Alex reveals that after their construction project is done, that he’ll be taking Isabel back to New York. Isabel is shocked to learn that Alex isn’t from the area and refuses to raise a child in the City. Alex refuses to raise a family in Vegas. Uh oh! Here come the personality clashes! Jeff and Lainie make arguments for the City and Vegas respectively. Isabel mentions that the book she’s put five years of time, money and work into, as well as her photo work subjects, are all in Vegas and that’s where she needs to stay to thrive. Alex mentions that his company is in the City and obviously he needs to work there to continue to make good money. Lainie wisely remarks that this is stuff people usually work out on the second date.

Alex arrives home where he is attached by her Chihuahua Che. Isabel’s family has decorated the house as a wedding present and now it’s colorblocked and there is Catholic imagery and decoration. Love it. I want a Catholic colorblocked house. Alex mentions that he still hasn’t mentioned their marriage to his parents. We get a little montage of Alex and Isabel both working and adjusting to married life together. He turns the laundry room into a darkroom for her photography. He takes her into the club he’s building for a private romantic construction site dinner. They discuss what they’d be eating if they were in the City or in Mexico. They also discuss the advantages of each location. Isabel discusses the situation with Amalia, who tells her to go with Alex as he’s supporting the family and she needs to choose her battles. She tells her mother she sent Alex out with Chuy and her brothers to learn how to shoot guns, which should intimidate him from trying to argue Isabel into moving.

Isabel is out to eat with Lainie and they discuss that she took Alex’s name in marriage when they are overheard by a woman who knows Alex. She introduces herself as Cathy Stewart (Suzanne Snyder) and mentions they’re old family friends. Isabel is grateful to meet one of Alex’s friends. Cathy is shocked to learn that Isabel is married to Alex and pregnant with their child. Alex, meanwhile, is brought out to the mountains where he is surrounded by dangerous snakes which cause Isabel’s family to shoot at the snakes, making Alex dance like in Looney Tunes. Her brothers bring a drunken, injured Alex home and tell Isabel he fell into some cactus so they gave him a bunch of tequila.

The next week, Isabel and Alex begin to fool around when she mentions she met Cathy Stewart the week before. The doorbell rings and it’s Alex’s parents, Richard (John Bennett Perry) and Nan (Jill Clayburgh) who have surprised him with a visit upon learning of his marriage. Richard assumes Isabel is the housekeeper because he’s racist. Isabel comes outside to meet them and she is so excited to hug them and meet them and they seem surprised because they still assume she’s a housekeeper. She goes to get them some beers and Nan remarks that being so close to Mexico, there are probably many good options for housekeepers. Then Richard insults the décor. These people suck! Isabel returns and learns Alex lied to her about them being in Europe. She is upset and flips out to him in Spanish before storming off. He runs after her and Richard thinks he’s firing Isabel because this misunderstanding joke is being stretched thin. Isabel tells Alex he’s a coward, as she was disowned by her father after facing him with the news, and he couldn’t even make a phone call. She calls him out on his constant excuse-making and tells him to tell them now since he wanted to tell them in person so bad. He tells them Isabel is his wife and Nan seems horrified.

Isabel’s parents invite Isabel, Alex and Alex’s parents out to their boat for Cinco de Mayo. Tomas and Richard both agree that the couple is ill-prepared for marriage, but a drunken Nan thinks it’s romantic and Amalia thinks they’ll be fine as long as they try. Isabel asks Tomas to be happy for them but he refuses. Richard insists they’ll live in New York and Tomas insists the couple will have to raise their baby Catholic. They get into a heated argument where Richard says more racist shit. Richard and Nan get sunburnt which they deserve. Back at home, Isabel and Alex argue over religion, with Isabel stating that since Alex isn’t even active in his religion, she should raise the child Catholic. They go to bed without speaking. The next day at work, Jeff is trying to convince Alex to straighten his shit out as the worksite was close to an OSHA shutdown and they’re behind on their progress.

Alex goes to the doctor while Isabel is having an ultrasound. The two apologize to each other and Alex is about to tell Isabel something but the doctor comes in and has Alex listen to the fetus’s heartbeat and sees it on the monitor. He kisses Isabel and apologizes again. At work, Isabel picks Alex up for his birthday with Jeff covering for the absence. She takes him to what looks like the Grand Canyon and tell him a story about squirrels. She makes a deal with him to move to New York as long as they can stay out in Vegas until the baby is born. Isabel then gives Alex a case of Grey’s Papaya hot dogs shipped from Nan. Alex is overjoyed and they eat room temp hot dogs together. God why can’t that be me and Salma Hayek?

At work, OSHA offer Stan (Garret Davis) tells Alex and Jeff they’re being shut down due to violations. Alex convinces Stan to give them one week with no issues or they’re shut down. The sign from the building then falls and crushes the OSHA car. Alex is sent back to New York to deal with his boss Judd (Stanley DeSantis the t-shirt legend). Alex promises to have the Vegas club opened in three weeks. Judd says Alex can have the midtown job which breaks ground in the summer if he pulls this off. Alex thought the job started in October so he won’t be able to stay out west until the baby is born if he takes the job. Once back in Vegas, Alex hustles to work and get the club finished and opened, ignoring Isabel due to his preoccupation with the opening. She’s depressed and complains to Lainie that something happened in New York that changed him. She feels like there’s something he’s not telling her.

The club, BLVD, opens and is chic and successful. Isabel and Lainie attend on opening night. Alex tries to talk to her about having to back to New York early, but she tells him she’s proud of him and there’s some tension in the air. Alex feels the baby kicking but is dragged away to deal with something in the kitchen. Isabel isn’t feeling well, claiming the baby is mad at her about something, and goes to find Alex who is sitting with Judd and some other guys. Judd mentions that they’ll be in New York the next week to start work and Isabel looks like she’s going to kill Alex. Instead, she runs away. He chases after her with more excuses and she confronts him, asking him why he alienates her from his life despite him claiming he waited all his life to love her. He doesn’t have an answer and she reminds him that she told him in the beginning she’d raise the baby on her own but this was all his doing. She tells him that love is something you work on and he meanly retorts that he worked his whole life for these opportunities and won’t pause them just because he had some cheap Vegas wedding with her. My dude, that was YOUR IDEA. YOU are putting this poor woman through hell! Isabel runs away angry.

Alex arrives home in the morning but can’t find Isabel. He gets a call from Lainie telling him she’s in the hospital. He runs to see her but she refuses to look at him after confirming she’s fine. She then informs him she lost the baby. Jeez. She then tells him the baby is the whole reason they’re together, and they are two different people who were brought together by what she thought was a sign, but she’s taking this as a sign, too, that they don’t work together. He pleads with her but she tells him to leave. Lainie tries to comfort Alex but he storms off. He goes home and sees a picture of the ultrasound on the fridge and angrily hucks a Snapple bottle at the wall before tearing it down. He gets some flowers and heads to the hospital but finds Isabel’s bed empty. He goes to her father’s house but he slams the door in Alex’s face. Isabel, meanwhile, has returned to her grandmother’s house in Mexico. Her brothers come by to help get her stuff from Alex and take Che and they all look sad to see each other go. Alex returns to New York and begins his new assignment while Isabel tends to the farm.

Alex is served with divorce papers which he has six days to contest. Isabel has a discussion with her grandmother about deceiving Alex because oh damn, Isabel is still pregnant! Her grandmother insists she is denying true love and she’s not more powerful than love and some stuff like that. She admits she’s afraid but her grandmother says she needs to surrender to love. Alex gets a call from Cathy Stewart who asks him out. Alex confirms, realizing his divorce is impending and he can’t change it. Isabel gets a feeling because she’s spiritual. Alex walks to Grey’s Papaya when a street preacher tells him there are signs everywhere to help Alex find his way. These signs include almost stepping on a chihuahua, seeing an ad for Caesar’s Palace and seeing a photo of the Grand Canyon that looks like one of Isabel’s. he heads to the private airport to go for the weekend with his parents, Cathy and Cathy’s parents when he sees a young Hispanic girl that we’re going to assume is the final sign he needed. Cathy is way into him but he seems disturbed. The young girl runs after Alex for some reason and it’s revealed her name is Isabel, too. Wow what are the chances? Alex backs away and leaves before boarding the helicopter. He runs out to try and find Isabel.

He makes it to Mexico and takes a tram out to where Isabel is staying. Her grandmother tells him she went to Vegas to have the baby, but she says it in Spanish so I don’t think he fully understands. He gets on a plane and calls Lainie to get info on how to find Isabel, learning she’ll be arriving at eight. He goes to wait for her by the Hoover Dam on the Nevada-Arizona state line and an intense rainfall starts. He tries to stop her car which almost causes a huge accident. She tells him it’s over but he says he still has until midnight. He tells her about all the signs but she argues that she doesn’t believe in them anymore. He tells her he believes they’re supposed to be together for a bigger purpose and learns she’s still pregnant. She tells him she lied to him just like he did to her and he apologizes. Her water breaks and emergency personnel assist in the birthing as Isabel yells that she hates Alex. The ambulance is taking too long to arrive. Isabel tells Alex to go away but then grabs him and apologizes, telling him how much she loves him. He tells her about his journey to try and get to her as she gives birth to their daughter, right there at the Hoover Dam. Alex throws a coin in for good luck, mirroring Isabel’s superstition, as she rests with their child in the ambulance. The two mention raising the baby between Vegas and New York and realize the clock has gone past midnight, making them officially divorced. They have a real wedding with all their family and friends out in the dessert, and that’s our movie.

Wow, what a show. This is like the sixth time I’ve seen this and I only remembered any scenes in it while they were happening. Not a total waste of time because Salma Hayek is earth’s perfect angel and I will watch her do anything, even star alongside Matthew Perry. This one is definitely watchable, even with a whole lot of cringey scenes. Not sure if 34% is appropriate in either direction, but we’re gonna go with it. If you’re like me, you’ve been seeing this one suggested to you on Hulu for at least a month, so you know where to find it. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.