Corky Romano (2001)
The worlds most dysfunctional mafia family has a new weapon against the FBI.
Today’s movie is one that I never saw when it came out. In fact, despite seeing the trailer for it like sixteen thousand times when it was in theaters, I couldn’t tell you what this movie was even about. The only scene that I can remember from the trailer, and therefore all I could tell you about the movie, was a scene involving a Girl Scout disguise and a goofy voice, a scene which did not make it into the movie as extensively as it was in the trailer, which was a common marketing tactic back in the day. So I’m going into this one with a blank slate aside from the little description. I just knew this one would have to be written about, and today is the day I did it.
What movie are we talking about today? Corky Romano, the 2001 Chris Kattan vehicle with an extremely unbelievable mob/FBI crossover storyline and a surprisingly excellent cast. This was directed by Rob Pritts who did not direct another feature film again, which surprised me as this one was by definition a modest success financially even though it was panned. As stated, this is not one I had seen before so we can explore this one together.
Our movie begins with an FBI briefing about Pops Romano (Peter Falk) and his sons Paulie (Peter Berg) and Peter (Chris Penn), a crime family who is being charged with racketeering. Paulie is violent and dumb. Peter is the hired muscle. Leo Corrigan (Fred Ward), the second in command, turned FBI informant and handed the Romanos over to the FBI. Pops’s lawyer tries to cover for him, but Pops suffers a heart attack at a press conference. Pops is recovering at home with the boys and Leo. No one is aware Leo is the informant. Not sure why they started the movie telling us. Maybe this could have gotten a higher rating than 7% on Rotten Tomatoes if they kept us guessing. The guys decide since the FBI must have been working undercover on them, they should get someone to go undercover with the FBI to destroy the files they have on the Romanos. They decide to use ostracized son Corky Romano (Chris Kattan), as he has no known mob ties and will be able to get away with it without being connected to his father.
Corky is an assistant vet at a clinic named Poodles and Pussies. He drives a yellow Miata. He Chris Kattan’s it up with the pet owners at the clinic. Wacky antics! I don’t feel like describing them here because then it’ll be like they were done for more reason than to kill time. Pops calls and summons Corky to the Romano family mansion where he is greeted by Peter who is not happy to see Corky. Neither is Paulie. Neither is Leo. Neither is Pops honestly. Some zany antics happen involving Pops’s medical equipment. Pops comes clean to Corky that the family is a mob family and asks Corky to destroy all the evidence at the FBI undercover. Corky agrees as Leo tells him this will bring him back into the family fold.
The boys go to see a hacker named Dexter (Zach Galifianakis) to set Corky up with a fake resume and put him up in a hotel since he can’t associate with his family at the house. Chris Penn’s fake mob accent is absolutely wonderful. He says “bruddah” and “aks me” its so good. The next day, the brothers drop Corky off at FBI headquarters and outfit him with a wire so they can monitor if things go wrong, at the suggestion of Uncle Leo. The brothers have no faith in Corky. I don’t either even though this is his movie.
Corky gets stopped at the metal detector by a guard played by Chet Hunter (Blake Clark) who lets him pass even though he acts sketchy as shit. Corky is under the assumed name “Agent Pissant” which he pronounces “Pee-Sahn” and he is assigned to a special task force catching the Night Vulture, a sadistic heroin trafficker, by station director Howard Shuster (Richard Roundtree) and will partner with Agent Brick Davis (Matthew Glave). Shuster mentions that Davis is about to take the Romano family down. Corky learns about his fake accomplishments on his fake resume from Shuster. Davis tells Corky his tie is loud by stating it’ll give a sniper a good target to aim for. Corky freaks out about his resume and runs out to panic to his brothers who reassure him his credentials don’t matter because he’s supposed to get the info and leave. They have to drag him back in as he attempts to escape like a child.
Inside, Corky meets Agent Russo (Vinessa Shaw) and is dragged along with Davis to investigate a brutal homicide that may be linked to the Night Vulture. Corky reacts to the scene with horror as he was not prepared to see a dead body. He is disgusted by the maggots in the corpse, maggots which were previously missed by other agents, giving a time of death as maggots take 18 hours to hatch or whatever. Russo congratulates Corky on his work and he stares at her longingly. She does not reciprocate. Corky has a brick of coke to take to evidence but he gets into a tug of war over it with a police dog. It explodes and the dog runs around all coked up. Corky is yippin’ too as he breathed some in. Shuster tells him he has to give a speech about being an FBI agent to a bunch of kids now. This movie is so zany!
Corky gives a coked-up speech to some kids. Later at the Romano residence, disguised agents are surveilling and Corky approaches in a USPS uniform with the intelligence he gathered and he goes through it with Pops, Leo and the boys. Corky has no info on Russo as he has a crush on her which disappoints Pops. The next day, they tell Corky to go right for the evidence room so they can get this shit over with, which he agrees to. He finds Russo and gives her a goofy ass workplace poster and she is not really amused. At an agent meeting, Corky tries to flirt with Russo but is unsuccessful. He is sent on an undercover mission with Davis where Davis tries to stick a wire to Corky. Corky is already wearing a wire for his family so he diverts to get the wire on his chest.
Corky, dressed up in a bald cap, tries to ask some white supremacists for heroin and offers to commit hate crimes with them but they find his wire and pull his info. Corky cries for mercy as the guys tie him up to torture his nipples with electricity in a warehouse. The brothers, still listening to the wire near Corky’s dick, hear what’s happening and infiltrate the warehouse to beat up the goons. The agency is worried about Corky’s safety as his wire went off, but he calls them and has them come to the warehouse where he takes credit for his brothers’ work and is hailed as a hero at the agency for busting the skinheads, getting one step closer to finding the Night Vulture.
Corky sneaks off to the evidence room to gather the files on his family. He stuffs his father’s file in his briefcase. Russo approaches him with more evidence from the Night Vulture and invites him to join her in self-defense exercises. He admits he truly wants to open an animal hospital and tells her the FBI gig is just temporary, covering for himself. They are summoned to a hostage situation where the perp is suspected of being the Night Vulture. Corky’s resume states that he’s an expert sharpshooter so he is assigned to take out the suspect but fucks up massively because he’s Corky and ends up shooting out a gas tank, causing an explosion. Corky resuscitates a dog that was affected by the blast and Russo is impressed.
Davis pulls Corky aside and threatens him for putting everyone in danger. Shuster congratulates Corky as the other agents believe Corky knew the perp had a fake gun and Corky is told to take the perp in after Shuster determines that the perp is not the Night Vulture. Corky calls to check on his vet clinic and his cousin Tony (Vincent Pastore) is filling in, handling everything with typical mob corruption. Corky has a mishap driving the perp to the station and ends up outside the car stuck in the door with the perp driving it with his feet. His brothers are getting ice cream in a hilarious scene and they don’t hear Corky’s panicked calls for help on the wire. The car ends up crashing near the station as the brothers approach. The agents go to investigate their car as they look suspicious but Corky stops them and takes command, forcing his brothers to the ground and tries to fart in their faces. A crowd watches. This goes on way too long. He then demands the brothers leave and tells Davis he’s too soft. None of this makes sense.
Corky visits the mansion in another disguise and his brothers bully him as revenge for the fart thing. Corky left the evidence in his briefcase at the agency gym so he has nothing for them. They demand he not come back without any evidence. He tries to head to the gym to find his briefcase but Davis has it and brings him to Shuster to explain. Other agents come in and demand Corky assist with a major heroin buy in Chinatown as his resume says he speaks Mandarin. Davis insists the heroin is at the planetarium but the agents dismiss his sources and send Corky in to translate. This obviously goes horrible. I don’t really understand what’s going on here since the agents are there and it’s two guys speaking in Mandarin (I assume) but they don’t understand each other? This is weird. Corky accidentally causes a shootout which allows one of the guys to escape but Corky gets credit for “capturing” the other guy and the other agents Terence (Dave Sheridan) and Bob (Roger Fan) hail him as a genius and vow to back him up anytime. He asks them if they want to go get an Orange Julius but they can’t because Davis is sending them to collect evidence on an illegal casino. Corky wants to impress Russo with his bust but she’s not around.
Shuster confronts Corky with Davis about taking the Romano file without following protocol. Corky confesses that he did things the wrong way and apologizes and Shuster commends him for his honesty. This causes Corky to replace Davis as head of the Night Vulture task force. Corky enters the mansion dressed as a Girl Scout and Russo is there dressed as a nurse. Peter says she’s Esperanza, Pops’s new nurse. The two obviously recognize each other. They talk in the hallway where Corky convinces her he’s been working undercover here too, but she’s upset that she wasn’t notified. They have an argument that turns steamy and they almost kiss but Corky runs away where he learns from Paulie that agents were caught at the casino with hidden cameras.
Corky goes to the casino but is denied entry by the bouncer played by WWF’s Sable. He sneaks into a back entrance but is pepper sprayed by a woman who thinks he’s perving on her. Corky then gets beat up by Sable and another bouncer (Martin Klebba) until they find his ID and realize he’s a Romano and apologize. He then frees the other agents and they depart. Corky sneaks back into the mansion and finds Russo. She is about to tell him of her informant when Peter catches them, causing Russo to run off. Peter congratulates Corky thinking he’s “pounding” Russo.
Davis uses photo enhancement and surveillance photos to find that Corky has been going to the Romano mansion. Shuster drags Corky into his office with Davis to confront him. Davis accuses Corky of “working with” the Romanos and takes the evidence back. Corky argues that it’s not him in the photo. Shuster tells Davis that Corky gets a chance to explain himself, but Davis is pissed that Shuster likes Corky better and whines about it like a little baby. The other agents come in and shit talk Davis, giving Corky a chance to grab the briefcase and run back to the mansion.
Russo fills Corky in on the actual charges against Pops, namely murder. Corky is shocked as he thought the charges were for racketeering. He finally reads the evidence and sees that Pops is a murderer. He confronts Pops with his behavior but Pops claims that he never committed murder or kidnapped anyone, just did scams. Corky tells Pops it’s from a sworn testimony and Pops is flabberghasted that someone testified against him. Paulie grabs the evidence joyfully and brings it to Leo, who we all know is the informant who testified because the movie decided to give that away in the first thirty seconds. While this is happening, Russo finds family photos with Corky in them and realizes he’s a family member. Leo offers to get rid of the file for Pops but Corky wants it back as he wants answers about what’s inside. Peter sends Corky away, telling him he did good but his job is done. Corky goes to leave but he goes back in to demand respect and to be a part of the family as he earned his place. Pops stops Peter from punching Corky. Paulie admits he can’t read because Pops never taught him, yet he sent Corky to college. Paulie mentions multiple times where his illiteracy got him into trouble. He then accuses Peter of being a closeted gay man, which Peter denies causing an argument in which the brothers draw guns on each other. Corky tells them he doesn’t care how gay or stupid they are, he loves them because they’re family and they need to get over it. He sends Peter and Paulie out of the room to speak to Pops alone.
Pops congratulates Corky for taking command of the situation and says Corky reminds him of Corky’s deceased mother’s good qualities. He tells Corky he’s not cut out for the mob business; he’s destined for better. He then tells Corky no matter what, Corky is his son and they embrace. Corky tells Pops he believes his innocence on the violent charges and thinks he can prove it. Leo is sitting with Peter and Paulie when Corky runs in telling them Pops had a heart attack and to call doctors. Corky tells Leo that Pops has died, his last words calling for Leo, and Leo can now make his peace with his dead body. Outside the FBI is prepared for a raid on the assumption Corky is working with the family, with Davis hoping he didn’t already kill Russo. Leo confesses to a dead Pops that he was the informant and Pops “wakes up” admitting they faked it all to get him to confess and Corky pulls a gun telling Leo he’ll be arrested. Russo then comes up and sticks a gun to Corky, confronting him about his graduation photo with Pops, asking if he’s an agent or “one of them” and Corky confesses to not wanting to see his dad die in jail, but Paulie comes up and sticks a gun to Russo’s back, saying he’s not stupid even though he’s illiterate. Davis then comes in and sticks a gun to Paulie’s back but Peter follows up sticking a gun to Davis’s back. Wow. Human Centipede with guns. The FBI enters with SWAT forces and the Romano brothers and Leo end up in a Mexican standoff with the FBI until Leo shoots an agent (he’s fine, he has a vest) and Leo flees with Corky on his trail.
The FBI tries to arrest Pops but Pops tells them Corky is running after the guilty party. Russo backs it up, saying Leo is the “real criminal” and Corky and Leo get into a fight with wired lawn lamps. Davis sticks a gun to Corky and Corky confronts Davis, telling him he knows Davis is the Night Vulture. Davis tells him not to act so surprised and tells Corky he’s going to castrate him with a knife. Russo comes out and helps Corky kick Davis in the balls and Davis is arrested in shame. Corky gives Russo credit for the busts to Shuster and tells them he has to be moving on, which assumes Russo will finally be given more credit.
Later, Corky and Russo get married because of course. Pops makes a wedding speech outing Peter who lovingly accepts. He then takes pride in Paulie’s illiteracy. Corky is given the keys to the vet business. Peter catches the bouquet and catches the eye of a handsome FBI agent. Corky and Russo drive off and that’s our movie.
Okay so there were some pretty god-awful scenes and horribly misfired jokes. I still found this one to be pretty enjoyable overall. Chris Kattan is no star. This should have been evident to anyone who grew up with his SNL era. Fortunately, a very solid supporting cast makes this one a rather enjoyable watch, even though it still feels a little bloated at a slim 88 minutes. Regardless, it’s not the horrendous pile of shit I had assumed it was all these years, and for that I’d recommend giving it a spin. It’s on Hulu right now if you feel so inclined. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.