Burlesque (2010)
In a city of dreams and beyond your imagination, there exists a magical world that comes to life.
We are continuing our theme week here at Stale Popcorn with a movie starring two pop music legends. But we have something special today; a musical! I guess that makes sense since this flick stars two musicians, but we typically don’t cover musicals here so this should be a nice little reprieve from the norm. This one did pretty well at the box office, but alas, it goes along with our theme this week and it has a 37% on Rotten Tomatoes, so it’s fair game.
What are we watching today? Burlesque, the 2010 movie about…burlesque dancers, specifically one played by Christina Aguilera following her dreams under the tutelage of a dancer played by Cher. I’m sold already. This is the lone feature film directed by Steve Antin, who is also an actor and has done video specials for Cher and the Pussycat Dolls. Despite this one not hitting the mark for critics, it did do very well in box office and home video sales, and it did earn a Golden Globe nomination, so we’re going to have to see how far off that 37% really is. I’m going into this one pretty blank as I have never seen it, so we might as well press play together.
Our movie begins with Ali (Christina Aguilera), a waitress at a small diner in Iowa, vowing to leave after she gets the check she’s owed. Her boss Dwight (Stephen Lee) refuses to hand over her paycheck, and her paycheck for the previous month, so Ali takes the cash she’s owed out of the register and quits the job so she can take off to Los Angeles and follow her dreams. So, we have West Coast Coyote Ugly so far. Ali breaks into a song number as the credits roll and we see a montage of her packing all her stuff interspliced with some dancers on a stage. She gets her one-way bus ticket to LA and we’re off.
In LA, Ali attempts to make her way around to multiple auditions for singers and dancers with no luck. She passes by a burlesque lounge called Burlesque Lounge. She wanders in as the camera pans to a luxury condo building for sale across the street. Chekov’s Gun tells us these condos will be important later. Ali pays the entry fee and learns about the art of Burlesque dancing. The show’s star Tess (Cher) performs a number as Ali watches enraptured. Ali gets a drink at the bar and watches some dancers. Ali asks the bartender Jack (Cam Gigandet) who she has to flirt with to get an audition and he sends her in to meet Tess and gives her his business card? Cool move Jack. He clearly likes her. Ali wanders into the dressing room as Tess speaks with her assistant Sean (Stanley Tucci). This movie is very good at having all the characters state their names. Usually trying to figure out character names is the biggest pain in my ass doing these reviews. Vince (Peter Gallagher), the club’s co-owner, stresses to Tess that there’s an important guest coming in tonight and that the bank has been breathing down her neck. Tess reveals that Vince is her ex-husband. Ali asks Tess for an audition but she refers Ali to Sean, who tells her to come back when they’re not in the middle of the show. Ali goes to leave when she bumps into Nikki (Kristen Bell), a popular dancer who’s late and in bad graces with Tess and Sean. Nikki mistakes Ali as a waitress and orders a drink and Ali leaves making a transphobic joke to Nikki. So, I guess Nikki is supposed to be the movie villain but Nikki isn’t trying to make transphobic jokes, so idk I like her more already.
Ali goes back to the bar and asks Jack to let her waitress so she can get a job, as the club is short-staffed with waitresses. She offers to do it for free at first just to get her feet in the door and he allows it. The next day, Tess and Sean notice Ali waitressing and Tess scolds Jack for hiring someone without her knowledge. Tess takes a liking to Ali but warns her not to go behind her back again or suffer the consequences. Ali does little dance moves while schlepping drinks. She gets an order from Marcus (Eric Dane), the VIP previously mentioned, who also seems to have taken a liking to Ali. Nikki tells Sean she wants Ali fired over her disrespect. Ali goes into a fantastical daydream where she’s the star of the show. C’mon Ali, the drinks aren’t gonna serve themselves! Jack fills Ali in on Marcus. He’s a big shot real estate guy who comes to the club often. While continuing her work as a waitress, Ali studies all about burlesque so she can finally get onstage. Marcus meets with Tess and Vince to try and make a deal to buy the club. Vince wants to take the money but Tess refuses, even though she has outstanding debts. Eric Dane is perfect as Marcus honestly. He’s so good at playing an antagonizing jerk. Tess tells Marcus it'll never happen but he keeps the offer on the table.
Ali brings drinks to the girls in the dressing room and Tess takes Nikki’s liquor away before she can drink it, downing both shots herself. Ali eavesdrops on Tess and Sean discussing Marcus’s deal and interrupts to suggest the dancers actually sing instead of lip syncing to prerecorded music. Tess dismisses Ali despite Ali feverishly refusing to take no for an answer and Sean makes her leave the dressing room. Ali comes home to find her apartment broken into because this movie is literally Coyote Ugly with more singing. She sits outside on the curb crying and, lo and behold, Jack pulls up to rescue her. Good timing! Unless he was stalking her, which he probably was. He offers Ali a place to stay and they have a drink together. Jack plays some keyboard music he wrote which Ali enjoys. They discuss why they left their midwestern home states while Jack fiddles with his Moog.
The next day, there is a heavy rainstorm, a big rarity for LA. Ali reveals she thought Jack was gay but he tells her he’s straight. Jack tells Ali about his fiancé in New York and she apologizes for overstepping boundaries, but he says it’s fine. She leaves as she declares she has a plan to take care of herself. She stands out in the rain, not going anywhere, and Jack makes her come back inside, insisting she stay with him for a little bit while she figures things out. His fiancé Natalie (Dianna Agron) calls. Awkward! Back at the club, Georgia (Julianne Hough), one of the dancers, tells Tess she’s pregnant which of course means the club will need to audition a replacement. Wow! Great timing for Ali! Especially because all of the auditions suck. Ali takes it upon herself to audition for Tess and Sean without their permission but Tess says no. Ali insists Tess tell her what she wants her to do but Tess tells Ali that no one can instruct her, she has to show she wants it and do it with her own determination. Ali insists she knows all the numbers and Tess lets her audition. The other dancers and Jack gather to watch. Everyone is impressed. Everyone except Tess! Ali literally is so annoying as she stammers off how unfair it is until Tess gives her the job.
Jack congratulates her as she goes off to prepare with Sean. We get a montage of Ali rehearsing spliced with footage of her dancing on the street in her commute set to the 1997 banger “Ray of Light” by Madonna. Once Ali takes the stage, Sean is complimentary of her performance but Tess is still skeptical. After work, Ali is bummed when she’s left out of a post-work pizza gathering with the other dancers. Tess finds Ali alone in the dressing room and gives her some makeup tips as well as some a new brush. Tess tells Ali a story about wanting to learn how to do makeup since she was little and Ali admits she never got any lessons as her mother died when she was young. Tess and Ali are finally bonding.
Back at Jack’s place, Ali is wearing out her welcome. She begins looking for a new place but can’t find a place where she’d be able to live as a pedestrian. Jack offers to let her stay longer so she can get a car before a place, even going so far as to give a whole speech about how great of a guy is. He then tells Ali about Natalie being stuck in NYC another 3 months and Ali deduces that Jack needs her to assist with rent since Natalie is gone longer than expected. At the club, Sean finds Tess in tears. She has to come up with a large amount of money by the end of the month or the club closes. Sean thinks they can achieve it but I can’t tell if he’s just lying to cheer up Tess or if he really believes it. Before the show starts, Tess calls Nikki out for her drinking and sends her home. Tess assigns Ali to replace Nikki. Ali doesn’t want to offend Nikki but Tess already decided. Nikki, however, doesn’t go home. She goes to the sound booth where she lies to the tech and tells him Tess needs him. She is left alone with the sound equipment and I have a bad feeling. Oh, there it is. Nikki pulls the plug on the prerecorded vocal track. The show stops abruptly and the curtain is being lowered. All of the sudden, Ali does a Christina Aguilera grunty “ohhhhhhhhh” and breaks out into an incredible vocal performance over the live band. Everyone’s loving it! Except Nikki, she’s pissed.
After the show, everyone is overjoyed about Ali’s abilities. Tess claims Ali never told her she could sing that well but she did, Tess just didn’t believe her which is understandable. Tess sends the girls off so she can write a new show and tells Nikki that Ali is more special than Nikki, in so many words. Ali cries when she learns Tess wants to build the show around her and Nikki apologizes. Oh, hell yea, “Suits are Picking Up the Bill” by Squirrel Nut Zippers is playing in the club. Shoutout to my Zippers, I hope they got a fat check off this. Ali goes out onto the club floor where Marcus greets her but she rebuffs his drink invitation. Everyone wants to be Ali’s friend now that she has something to offer and she’s invited to the post-shift get together. Sean tells Jack he can tell Jack likes Ali. Jack says he has a fiancé but Sean implies Jack’s fiancé sucks and he should go after Ali while she’s available because she’s way more of a catch.
Ali is sensational in the new routine, becoming an instant star. Jack is lovesick over Ali. Nikki is trying to trash talk Ali out of jealousy which leads to Ali making a fat-shaming joke about Nikki who is skinny as fuck. I hate Ali’s retort style. Vince tries to pressure Tess into selling the club but she is firm that she won’t. Back at Jack’s place, Ali asks to hear the music Jack is working on. They have a flirtatious moment where I can feel the steam through the screen, but Natalie calls and ruins the whole thing. Jack and Marcus both watch Ali obsessively during her next performance, which we see during a montage of things going well for Ali. Georgia announces to the girls that she got engaged. I do like the fact that we get some montages on every song. Keeps things moving. After the shift, Marcus tries to ask Ali out and give her a ride home. He takes her purse from her to force her to follow him. Sounds trustworthy.
Ali gets in Marcus’s car but refuses to go to dinner with him as he’s dating Nikki. He claims he’s just friends with Nikki and takes Ali to a party at a mansion that he needs to make an appearance at. Turns out the party is Marcus’s. Ali is obsessed with some Louboutin shoes a lady is wearing and Marcus explains to Ali that he owns air rights to a strip mall across from his mansion. They hang out late and she sneaks into the apartment while Jack sleeps. The next day at work, Marcus has gifted Ali with the Louboutin shoes she wanted and Nikki is pissed when she realizes they’re from Marcus. Nikki is also jealous that Ali has a nickname from Sean. Jack also seems annoyed at Marcus and Ali are spending more time together, but he needs to ditch the fiancé if he wants to go after her. Tess is proud of her new star and we get some pretty awesome dance routine scenes with some of those award-winning Aguilera vocals.
The show is a critical smash making Ali a star. Marcus introduces Ali to Harold Saint (Glynn Turman), a famous record producer who worked with legendary singers. Tess and Sean discuss the financial difficulties they’re facing, noting that even with the club’s growing popularity, they are still very behind on money and need more time. Tess and Ali have a talk about Marcus and Tess tells Ali not to trust him, but Ali seems to think Tess has selfish reasons for keeping them apart. After the club closes, Tess does a solo routine which I assume was filmed just to treat us audience members to a banging Cher performance. I’m always here for that. Outside, Nikki is drunk and argues with Tess about Ali’s special treatment. Tess tells Nikki she can leave if she doesn’t like Ali. Nikki tells Tess that she’s lost all loyalty but Tess reminds Nikki of all the times she took care of her without expectation of reciprocation. Nikki argues back but Tess tells her she has bigger things to worry about, like the closing of the club, and doesn’t have time for this petty bullshit. Nikki angrily quits and attempts to drive off drunk. She tells Tess she slept with Vince the night after their honeymoon and Tess swings a crowbar at Nikki’s car window as she drives off.
At the apartment, there’s tension between Jack and Ali. They get into an argument over Marcus. Ali insults Jack’s lack of accomplishment which is petty. Georgia gets married and at the reception, Jack gets into a fight on the phone with Natalie where he implies he’s going to pursue Ali. Jack gets drunk and starts awkwardly flirting with Ali before apologizing for how he was acting. He tells her he broke up with Natalie. They dance together and look like they’re having a blast. They’re very cute together! They go back to the apartment and they’re both kinda drunk as Jack helps her remove her shoes. The movie gives us a little will-they-won’t-they song and dance until Jack finally walks naked in front of Ali. She seems giddily flattered by his unsolicited presentation of his penis. They embrace and kiss. These two really hot people are gonna make love. Of course it happens to a song montage! What else would you expect?
Oh no! Natalie arrives unexpectedly while Ali and Jack are in bed together! Natalie confronts Jack about how he had said Ali wasn’t anyone to worry about, going so far as to tell Natalie that Ali wasn’t even pretty to assuage her insecurities. This obviously hurts Ali. Ali tells Jack that he had stated he broke things off with Natalie, which is of course a surprise to her. Jack sucks! Natalie kinda sucks too. She’s been on screen 30 seconds and already sounds like a narcissist. Ali leaves in a huff and goes to Sean’s house because she has no one else to go to. Sean tells her to go off with Marcus as opportunities don’t last forever, mirroring what he told Jack about Ali. Jack arrives looking for Ali and Sean tells him he advised her to go after Marcus.
Tess has two more days before the club is foreclosed on by the bank as she didn’t qualify for the loan she applied for. Uh oh, it’s the last minute before The Big Problem needs to be solved! Sean and Tess argue about taking Marcus’s offer as “Fade into You” by Mazzy Star plays. This movie has a great soundtrack. Marcus discusses the details of his offer to purchase the club to Ali, where he reveals that he wants it so he can close the club and demolish it to build a twenty-story office building. He reassures Ali that there are better places she can sing at, but she’s furious that he doesn’t care what happens to the club or to anyone else and leaves. That was a really quick reveal of character.
Ali heads to the club and notices a sign reading “Best View on the Sunset Strip” on the luxury condo building across the street from the club. Chekov’s Gun! Ali reveals Marcus’s plan to Tess, who angrily rejects her information. Ali follows Tess into her office and forces her to listen. Ali explains air rights to Tess, which is a fun little side lesson in real estate for us viewers. The next day, Ali and Tess go to meet with the owner of the condo building across the street. Tess reveals that Marcus wants to put his large building in place of the club, destroying the beautiful view that sells the condos. Tess tells the guy she’s going to sell to Marcus unless they can make a deal.
At the club, Tess finds Vince looking despondent and hands him a check buying out his half of the club. She tells him she got it from “thin air” which is clever. Squirrel Nut Zippers play again. Same song but I’ll take it. Nikki shows up and apologizes to Tess, admitting she lied about sleeping with Vince to try and hurt Tess. She asks for her job back and Tess welcomes her back. I don’t think Nikki was a convincing alcoholic. Tess had to like tell us Nikki was drunk. Maybe that’s Kristen Bell. Maybe that’s he director. Who knows? Nikki and Ali make peace. Jack comes back to talk to Ali. Boooo! Tell him to beat it! He apologizes telling her he messed up big time. He tells her it really was over and tells her he never should have let her walk out the door. She forgives him and decides to move back in but as his girlfriend. Boooo! He sucks! He’s just going to lie to you again Ali! Jack gives Ali a song he wrote, finally finishing a piece of music. She performs it with the squad to thunderous applause. These girls get their ass up and show em how they Burlesque! The songs in this movie are very good. Oh, that’s our movie.
Well, this rocked. Okay, sure it was pretty predictable and it was very similar to Coyote Ugly, but this was a solid cast who played their parts well and the music was awesome. Cher and Xtina were wonderful but honestly, I thought everyone did a great job, except Kristen Bell. Be drunker! Musicals may not be everyone’s thing, but when you have the visual addition of burlesque dancing, and the songs are actually good and catchy, you almost forget you’re watching a musical. I really liked this. Definitely better than a 37%. If you want to see for yourself, you’re going to have to pony up $3.99 and rent this one on Vudu because it is not currently streaming anywhere. I’ll be back tomorrow with another movie involving hot dancing. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.