A Merry Friggin' Christmas (2014)

Spend it with the ones you loathe.

It is still Christmas Movies Week here at Stale Popcorn, and today we have a sleeper hit that I couldn’t be happier to discuss with you lovely people. It not only combines a decent story with pretty decent acting, but it also allows us the absolute joy of seeing Robin Williams, Tim Heidecker and Clark Duke on screen at the same time. What wonderful film has all of this AND the Magic of Christmas? Why 2014’s A Merry Friggin’ Christmas, that’s what.

This was one of Robin Williams’ last movies before his tragic death and I’m surprised I had never heard of it before a few weeks ago when I watched it immediately after seeing who was in it. I’m not only a huge Robin fan but also a huge Tim fan and I love me some Clark Duke. The movie also stars Joel McHale, Lauren Graham and Candice Bergen and features a dysfunctional family where one man forgot his son’s Christmas presents back home and needs to go there and back overnight in order not to ruin Christmas for his son, while also dealing with a lifetime of pain from his own father. This was director Tristam Shapeero’s first feature film and it really slipped under the radar, but fortunately not yours, because I’m here to tell you all about it.

Our movie opens up with a young Boyd Mitchler hiding behind the tree waiting for Santa. His father Mitch (Robin Williams) is the one who takes the cookies and milk and reveals that Santa is not real and gives young Boyd a gun. As an adult with a wife and kids, Boyd (Joel McHale) has to stop his daughter Vera (Bebe Wood) from telling his son Douglas (Pierce Gagnon) that Santa is not real. Vera doesn’t believe but Boyd and his wife Luann (Lauren Graham) want her to keep this from Douglas to let him still believe for a little bit. Boyd and Luann are in bed later and both admit they’re too tired for sex. Boyd wonders how many years Douglas has left believing in Santa and that the world is magic. Luann argues that Boyd is overcompensating on Christmas. Boyd takes a call from his brother Nelson (Clark Friggin Duke) asking Boyd to be the godfather of Nelson’s newborn son. He tells him the baptism is on Christmas Eve. Boyd realizes this means he has to spend Christmas with his father.

Mitch is not happy about Boyd’s arrival which interrupts their Christmas dinner plans as Boyd does not eat venison according to his mother Donna (Candice Bergen). Boyd is not happy about this predicament either, but wants the kids to have a nice Christmas, so they take off for Wisconsin in their BMW SUV with reindeer antlers. A cop pulls them over once they’re in Wisconsin and gives Boyd a $450 ticket for speeding. At the house, Mitch is clipping his toenails at the kitchen table, discussing his son in law Dave (Tim Heidecker) who is a registered sex offender. Dave has an absolutely unbelievable hair/facial hair/leather blazer combo because Heidecker always brings his A-game. One of the kids leaves a flaming bag of shit under Boyd’s foot and Dave tackles him to safety. Mitch helps Boyd up and asks if he’s okay before hugging the kids and heading to church for the baptism.

Nelson gives a speech at the baptism, admitting the kid is not his actual son, but the child was left behind by a woman he was dating and doesn’t have a name. Nelson baptizes the baby as Boyd Jr. a/k/a “BJ” after Boyd. At dinner, Boyd’s sister Shauna (Wendi McLendon-Covey) admits she’s thankful for her and Dave’s marriage counseling. The family gets into an argument with Nelson running off. Boyd also runs off after learning the “chicken” he’s been eating was actually squirrel, as Mitch had given everyone else but Boyd chicken. Luann convinces him to deal with it for the sake of the kids.

Mitch tells Douglass to leave bourbon and asparagus out for Santa. Boyd tries to get everyone to participate in his traditional reading of The Night Before Christmas, much to the chagrin of his nephews and nieces. The kids all go to bed, but Douglas’s presents are not under the tree despite Mitch saying he got them all out of the car. Turns out Boyd and Luann had a miscommunication and left all of Doug’s gifts back in Chicago. Dave suggests “Toys-r…what’s it called” which is no help. Mitch suggests a singing bass plaque and a pack of grape Hi-Chews and a scratch off lotto ticket. Boyd vows to drive to Chicago and back in order not to spoil the magic of Christmas for Doug. Luann argues that he has had too little sleep and this is more for Boyd than Doug. Boyd insists he’s going and asks Luann to make sure the kids stay downstairs until 7:30 AM, giving him just enough time to get there and back.

Back at the house, Mitch chastises Dave for exposing himself to a busload of senior citizens, which Shauna defends. A phone call to the house informs the family that Boyd’s car broke down. Mitch goes to pick Boyd up in his truck. Boyd argues but ultimately gives in when he realizes Doug needs this, and Mitch and Boyd are off leaving the BMW running on the side of the road.

Mitch sings along to “Silent Night” as Boyd drifts off to sleep and dreams about being a child and having holidays ruined for him by Mitch, who informs the young Boyd that the only road to happiness is realizing “there is no road to happiness” before Boyd is jolted awake by a near car crash. Boyd asks Mitch not to smoke because he has asthma, which Mitch insists he’s making up but eventually does. At a rest stop, a grungy Santa (Oliver Platt) asks Boyd for bourbon in the restroom and discusses the logic of timing the sleigh to get to every kid’s house on Christmas eve. A clerk at the gas station calls Mitch “Virgil” which IMDB lists as his character name so I think the editing on this movie was cut short. Back at the house, Nelson is still missing and Donna is worried he fell asleep in the middle of the road, which he tends to do. Donna witnesses a large Santa doll get run over thinking it’s Nelson but it’s not. Doug asks for his dad to tuck him into bed, but Luann lies and says Boyd is getting a massage which Doug buys so maybe it really wouldn’t have been too hard to come up with an excuse for why his gifts weren’t there.

On the road, the same cop from before pulls Boyd and Mitch over because Boyd is speeding as the speedometer in Mitch’s truck is broken. Mitch gets along with the cop but Boyd is snippy and the cop and Mitch make fun of Boyd. The cop informs them that Nelson is in one of the porta-johns in the back of the truck and lets them off with a Christmas warning. Nelson calls Donna to tell her he’s okay and asks her to sing a song about tortillas to baby BJ for him.

The kids are still up and not sleeping. Dave is making a meal he calls “breep” which is a meal ready for between sleeping and breakfast. I don’t get the dynamics but I applaud the innovation. At Boyd’s house, he has to break in because he doesn’t have his keys. Nelson goes to pee while Mitch looks around. Turns out a recent immigrant to the US Boyd and Luann hired to feed the dog has brought his whole family over to stay in the house due to some language confusion. On the phone, Luann insists they stay but Boyd wants them to leave and they hang up fighting. Douglas is challenged by his shitbag older cousins to eat an entire jar of pickles that was jarred in the 60’s and the SEVEN YEAR OLD’s legs go numb. At Boyd’s house, Mitch finds a family photo where he has been photoshopped out by Boyd and is hurt. The housesitter’s family has taken all of Douglas’s gifts and still can’t get through to them. Turns out Nelson knows their language, but whatever he says to them causes them to cower in fear. Boyd and Nelson clear things up and get the largest of Doug’s gifts and try to get on the road, but a hurt Mitch tells Boyd that Boyd never needed him before they begin their drive.

In Wisconsin, Douglas is freaking out and going wild off the old pickles. Boy acting like he took a BEAN not a cucumber. Luann admits to Donna that her and Boyd have not been having sex and Donna wants to talk to Boyd about it but Luann is all “nah” obviously. On the road, Nelson sings along to the radio and Mitch turns the music off. The boys play a word game but Mitch has an attitude and admits he saw the photo with himself cut out. Boyd admits he was ashamed of Mitch and Mitch gets all emo. Back in the attic, Donna shows Luann all of Boyd’s paintings of Bea Arthur, which Mitch ridiculed to the point where Boyd stopped painting. Both of them are upset about this. On the road, Boyd confronts Mitch telling him all the ways he sucked as a father and all of the things he hates about his life.

Boyd flies past the cop for the third time and doesn’t pull over; he goes for the police chase which is stupid because the cop knows it’s them so it’ll be easy to find them. He knows Mitch’s porta-john business. Boyd successfully evades the cop and makes a porta-john fall off onto the cop car. The cop looks at a picture of his family and decides not to elevate the situation because he just wants to go home. Boyd and Mitch make up and hug as they hit the hobo Santa from earlier. They get out of the car and panic. Mitch wants to take the blame so Boyd doesn’t get his life ruined, so he can make up for a lifetime of poor parenting. Boyd won’t let him. Mitch counters that he has a friend who owes him a favor that can disintegrate the man’s body. Boyd says this option isn’t time-permissive. Nor is burying him. Nelson suggests burning the man’s body, and Mitch says it’s easier to burn him if you “parcel him out” and fires up a chainsaw, which awakens the Santa, who requests bourbon.

In bed, Douglas has a hallucination from the pickles and hears his snowglobe telling him Santa isn’t real. On the road, Boyd is ready to give up and call Luann, but Nelson won’t let him. Mitch asks the Santa to help them make it the last ten miles home and he takes them in his motorized sleigh that’s causing sparks on the pavement. As the sun comes up, the kids go with Douglas to find his gifts under the tree but there are none. Boyd can see his disappointment through the window and doesn’t want to ruin Christmas by revealing there is no Santa, so they ask the hobo Santa who is pissing on their lawn to deliver Douglas’s gift. Santa enters the house scaring the kids but goes right for the bourbon Douglas left out and falls over drunk. Douglas helps Santa back up, and Santa gives Douglas his gift and thanks him for the bourbon but leaves the asparagus.

Outside, Mitch compliments how good of a father Boyd is. Douglas comes outside to see Santa but he’s gone and Boyd goes inside to watch Doug unwrap his gift, a personalized toboggan, which Douglas doesn’t care about because there’s no snow. Luann gives Douglas an old Bridge board game set of Boyd’s to Douglas and he’s excited as shit, which thrills Boyd as he is a lifelong Bridge player. The family goofs around together outside as snow begins to fall, a friggin Christmas miracle, and that’s our movie.

So yea, this wasn’t AMAZING but it was a pretty solid movie, and as I mentioned the combo of Tim/Robin/Clark should be enough to sell you. It absolutely doesn’t deserve the 7% it has on Rotten Tomatoes, but maybe that’s just my own personal bias. But you should go find out for yourself. This one is currently streaming on Prime, Pluto and Tubi so you have some options to view it. Just make sure you have all the presents under the tree before you kick and get distracted. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.